Tag Archive | sarcasm

Thotes (or, “oh dear God, he’s back”)

Photo credit: J.J. Abrams

So, like two years ago or something, I had this awesome idea: a “creative reunion” of sorts, if you will, as it were, so to speak, if you like, as it please, and so on, et cetera. The idea was that I’d take my high school notes and upload them to this site along with commentary exactly ten years after writing them.

Unfortunately, at the time of my stroke of genius in identifying a somewhat unique outlet for my creativity, I didn’t have what you’d call “any support” from what you’d call “my heinous ex-girlfriend” whom you could say “everyone hated because she was a monster”—and I mean that less as a judgment of character and more as an efficient way to describe her physical scales, tendency to breathe fire, and flailing tentacles made out of lies and betrayal. But I digress.

The “creative reunion,” as I called it, fell apart, because when you spend most of your time with someone who validates neither you nor your creative works, you get discouraged and abandon them. And thus, The Internet was spared for over two years, and there was peace.

Well now I’m back… TO RUIN THAT.

I’ve got an itch to write again. Unfortunately, due to the popular convention commonly known as the “calendar,” it is no longer chronologically possible for me to resume a ten-year reunion, as it is now over 12 years later, and “dozen-year reunion” sounds like a stupid Dunkin Donuts marketing scheme, and “twelve-year reunion” employs a number which is a multiple of neither five nor ten, and it’s not amateur hour, so NO THANKS. I also lost my place in terms of where I left off, as I’d scanned literally my entire notebook (which only cost about $1,367.81 at Kinko’s, because Kinko’s) at the time of the reunion’s conception. So now I’ve got to figure out naming conventions and trying not to post multiple times and a bunch of other stuff that literally only matters to me because I have obsessive-compulsive tendencies, and which you will literally never notice. Or care about. I’m glad, then, that I just devoted an entire paragraph to discussing it.

Speaking of paragraphs, my point is that I’m going to change some names, and here’s what I’ve come up with:

Thotes.

I took notes in high school, and now I’m going to tell you my thoughts on them, and so when you combine the two words, you get a stupid portmanteau that both looks and sounds utterly stupid. Which is why it’s perfect for this site!

So prepare for some thotes. Unless I wake up tomorrow and change my mind on a whim, in which case disregard this entire post.

In the meantime: prepare your body. It’s gonna be quite a ride.

01/21/2013

in 10-Year Reunion, Creative Writing, High School, Humor, Notes, Thotes, Writing
1 Comment

A letter to my creative writing teacher

On the first day of my last semester of high school, our creative writing class was tasked with writing a letter to our teacher – who also happened to be my sophomore English teacher – outlining our expectations of the class. Here is that letter, complete with the teacher’s notes, followed by a transcript with her comments in bold:

A letter to my creative writing teacher (formerly my sophomore English teacher) on my first day of my final semester of high school.

Dear Teacher:

Well since the English curriculum in school generally hasn’t involved any creative, fictional, non-objective, or otherwise fun writing whatsoever, and I RUN a role-playing game on message boards online which involves constant original fantasy writing, I hoped to gain some semblance of an idea of how to write and/or whether or not I’m even any good at writing fiction at all. Also, are you really going to read this? [Yes, Cody I’m reading this.] I bet you are. I’m going to give you a really hard time if you don’t, though. Actually, that would just make me a difficult student [Who you?], and I don’t want to be particularly difficult this semester. This class is gonna rock – and I can buy coffee and creme [sic] and hot chocolate mix for you too [Well, I thought I’d institute the “Elvis Slush fund”], since I did in Speech class last semester anyway. Food RULES. So does this class. No, seriously. [Well, I hope you have a good semester. I’m glad you’re in the class. Where’s Gohan been?]

Sincerely,
Cody Gough

A few things:

I didn’t really start drinking coffee until partway through college, so I have no idea where the “coffee and creme” reference originated, nor do I have any recollection of an “Elvis Slush fund.” I guess you forget some random small details after 10 years!
In contrast to the Elvis reference, I actually do understand the Gohan reference, but I will explain that long story in a future post.
This is actually the second time I’d asked my teacher in my class notes whether she was actually reading them; my first time doing this was as a student in her English class my sophomore year of high school. To put that in context, though, I really wasn’t being a jerk, because I actually quite liked her classes, and pretty much everything I did (and still do) is at least somewhat tongue-in-cheek. Believe me, I’ve inspired a lot of eye-rolling from my teachers over the years.
Instead of ending the last sentence with a period, I nearly ended it with a smiley face emoticon. As a direct result, I am now wallowing in self-loathing.

This letter pretty much sets the tone for my 10-year Idea Reunion. At the time I wrote this, I had written a lot, but had no idea whether the writing was any “good,” I got along with my teacher well enough to be allowed a certain level of irreverence, and I was excited about the idea of finding new creative ways to express myself.

I hate shameless self-plugs, but if you’re interested in following my journey through this class, then please follow me via WordPress! It’s going to be a long – and hopefully very entertaining – journey.

12/16/2012

in High School, Humor, Notes, Thotes, Writing
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“Bad Ernest Hemingway Movie” Notes

Apparently, I wasn’t a big fan of an Ernest Hemingway movie we watched in my sophomore English class in high school.

First of all, yes, I know I misspelled his name, but thank you for pointing out that mistake I made 12 years ago. But moving along, my teenage brain had some pretty hilarious comments about the film interspersed with my notes:

“A stupid bull was charging some ugly guy in a dream”
Love the specificity there.

“That guy ate bull testacles – what a stupid @$#?!!!”
And here I thought I was an adventurous eater!

“They burn all the mother*$?!@!ing s*@?!! after the festival”
I don’t even think I was complaining about anything… I’m pretty sure I just felt like using excessive profanity.

“Hemmingway [sic] was born & raised in Chicago
Called it a place of wide somethings
and narrow minds”
I’d never lived in Chicago, but at least now I know my notes are accurate: this city is, indeed, a place of narrow minds and – more than anything else – wide somethings.

“Ernie liked boxing, hunting, fishing & shooting”
This isn’t really that funny, but I’m mildly amused that I called him “Ernie” in my notes ^_^

“The crazy Brit bought Red Fox urine”
I’m sure there was an actual context here, as fox urine is probably a thing that has to do with hunting… but I’m not sure if I’m calling Hemingway or someone else “the crazy Brit.” Either way, I rule.

I’ve mentioned in previous posts that our class notes were graded – including this class. So I have no earthly idea how this slipped through the cracks. Maybe I was really testing my teacher to see if she would actually read them? Maybe she didn’t care?

Wow! Now I know how historians feel about the great mysteries of history…